Posted on May 7th, 2008 by So after God finished blowing his life-giving breath into me, he took me to his balcony to show me the World. .........A sound snagged my rapt attention upwards and I lost all the air I had gulped in seconds before...for sitting on the rails of god's balcony...with a devil-may-care attitude was God's younger brother. Yes. You guessed it. The Devil himself! "My child." God's gentle voice brought me back to the universe. "What would you like to be?" Still fascinated by the handsome Devil, I blurted out. "I would like to be feminine." The Devil didn't think so judging by the way he threw back his head to have a good laugh unmindful that he has spewed drink...er ..devil juice all over the cloud covered balcony.  "You're already feminine." God smiles in that understanding way that made me instantly see the error of my blurtings. Yike. But wait a minute here. I mean how was I supposed to know I'm already feminine? It's not as if God tattoed it on my forehead or some place else!!! "My child." God reaches for my hand. "What kind of person would you like to be?"
"If she can't make up her mind, let her be my minion." The devil says with a devilish gleam in his eyes. The nerves!! What did he take me for? Eve? I scowl again. "Listen here, Lucifer..." "Kids...kids..." God intones kindly..."Let's get back to the question." His eyes twinkle... I have no idea why God tolerates Lucifer. I swear. "You can be my Eve. Goddess Eve." The Devil mouths at me. "Shut up!!" I screamed at him in my head. It's maddening how he could read my mind, this hotter than hell creature!!!
"But?" Both the Devil and I spoke in unison. I glare at the Satan for his troubles. "You'll have to drink some Devil juice." God says. "What?" I sputtered. The Devil laughs. He's enjoying himself. "Come on, Baby. Drink up." So I did. I showed him that I was no Goody Two Boots."
So! There I was...safe, snug, perfect state of mind, healthy and "feeling" super-wealthy. Yep, I was on top of it all despite living under a rock. God, I love living la vida loca under my rock. Mmm...heaven on earth...er...rock. Anyway, along came a knock one sweet Saturday and before I had time to squirm deeper into my comfy hole of a bed, guess what? My blanket...er...my rock was being lifted off me. Like&%what$#the@$&*? "Hey!" I protested, blinded by harsh light. God! Who invented "light" anyway??? Nutcases, that's who. Light kills me, okay!!! "Hey what?" He grins. I stare at him. The Lucifer. Devil. Hades. Satan. Bloody annoyance. The nerves. Pulling someone out of sweet, delicious sleep!!! This was worse than high treason!!! Trust me!!! You know!!! In the days of the wild, wild, west, he would already have been shot triple times above the neck!!! In the minds of Tyranny, he would have been halved, quartered and drawn and burned at the stake on top of it all!!!! Or worse... Why, in the height of er religiondom, he would have been forced to attend church!!!!!!!! "Ah. I see what's going on here!" He looks even more amused. "You're very upset I pulled you out of your snug mind."
Of course!!! "Shut. Up." I gritted at him. "What's your problem?"
He sighs as if the weight of the world was cascading down on him like molten lava. As if that's my problem!!!! "I need your help!" He says.
I gape. What? Hades wants my help??? Am I missing something here??? Omg!! Omg!!! How long have I been asleep under my rock? "Oh, about a century...give or take a couple of minutes." .
I blink. Did I spoke aloud or was he a mind reader? Yike.
"What makes you feel so wealthy?" He asks as if the well-being of the underworld depended upon my answer. "I mean, you've absolutely nothing, not even this rock and yet you act like the Queen who has it all."
I scowl. This is the perfect case of subtle insult ever! Trust me. I can detect these things a whole underworld away. "You really, really wanna know what makes me feel wealthy??" I finally snap out in irritation.
"Yes. Of course. That's why I took the risk of waking you from your deep slumber." He said it as if my sleeping passion was sooooooo last century. The nerves.
Okay. Fine. I admit it. I am grumpy but you would too if you were awaken from a whole century of sweet slumber.
Slumber? Now that's an idea. Hmm. I need to put the devil back to sleep but how? I mull it for a nano-second and then it hits me. Ah! I am going to put this devil where he really belongs. Yep. Into deep sleep and under a rock.
I uncorked a bottle of beguiling attitude and splashed my face with it. I heard his intake of breath. Ha! That's nothing. I'm going to knock his socks off when I tell him about my cure for er...the unwealthy...!!! I allowed him to bask in my glow and then I plunged the needle home. "In order to feel wealthy all the time, you've got to consciously evolve..." He is obviously flummoxed. "Why under earth would I want to do that??" I smile smugly. "So you may give it all back...to the world..." He gapes. "Huh? Why would anyone want to do that???" I'm disappointed. I had assumed he would grasp it the minute I said the words, "conscious evolotion" but what do I really know? It could take him a whole eternity to climb down to my level...(You see...when you live under a rock, the Underworld is really the above world...) Sigh. My smugness disappears on me, my plan to put him under a rock backfiring like a rocket blasting off to nowhere land. "It's one way to gain it all." I say weakly. I feel like a total failure. Here I was, giving him a key to the universe and he was unable to find the bloody door. And when you give, aren't you supposed to receive?? How come I feel so er...unwealthy??? I am agonizing silently when something glints from his eyes. It dazzles me and before I knew it, my rock came blissfully down on me like a long, lost blanket. "I get it. I get it!!!" He pulls me into his arms. "Oh, baby," he moans. "May I stay here with you?"
He began to rain kisses all over my face...soft, sweet, each one caressing me like manna falling from heaven. "Oh, baby." He moans. "We do have a groovy kind of love." I breathe in the love of my devil realizing how lonely I had been under the rock all century long. God. I feel so wealthy. I don't think I need anything other than some berries, water and nuts of course. Just make sure the latter are cashews. Here, world...you can have my rock too... take it all...have it all... You see, I've my devil...and psst...he's not only my rock, he's my wealth too...heck...he's my everything. Mmm...Oh baby. This is true wealth...
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal "When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union"
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And he was drinking something out of a cloud shaped cup...who knows, probably devil juice....
Something made me look up into the skies and lo and behold, written in bold, fluffy grey tinted clouds were the words. "You're of the feminine gender!"
Wisdom 